2018 & BEING TRUE TO MYSELF

Okay, here goes, my first blog post of 2018. First of all it absolutely blows my mind completely that it is now 2018, I still remember to this day gathering around my grandad's TV and jumping up and down when the clock struck midnight for 2000...

I really do have such a mixed review on 2017. I feel like there were some massive highs but also massive lows, and not much in between. I've felt SO much pressure this year in relation to where I should be in my life at the age of 25, and to be honest maybe its the brick wall I've come to thats making me progressively anxious and low... However, I did tell myself at the beginning of 2017 that I wanted to travel to as many places as I could during all my annual leave breaks from work. Safe to say I achieved that! I also said I wanted to experience working in London - which I also did! (yay life achievements). Anyway, I felt like having a little blab this evening about my direction for 2018, so here goes!

WHATS THE POINT IN BEING UNHAPPY?
For many many months over the past couple of years I have repeated the phrase in my head, as well as out loud, 'whats the point?'. Whether this has stemmed from my lack of progression in my career/love life, or my general negative surroundings at home etc. I just genuinely got to a point where I thought, whats the point in even smiling anymore, let alone to carry on with this huge thing we call life? (sounds so OTT right? yet genuinely how I've felt for so so long)

However, when I was handed the prescription for a strong anti depression/anxiety drug this week, I thought.. wait, 'Whats actually the point in being unhappy?'. Whats the point in me taking these tablets to dull a feeling, emotion, or in worst case - lifestyle, that I can at least try to change, by training my own brain. TRUST ME, I know what its like to have a fight with your own mind on a daily, hourly, minutely(?), basis. I remember thinking when I was around 5/6 that I must have a much chattier brain than everyone else, because mine spoke to me so much all the damn time. Which now kinda makes sense, considering I'm one of the most sensitive, emotional, compassionate & anxious souls.

Learning about yourself is weird. I've personally realised that being unhappy, moaning about everything and being down in the dumps about what I don't have or haven't done etc, takes a tonne more energy than it does to just be. My nan tells me 'If you don't know what to do, do nothing', which personally completely freaks me out. Do nothing? What do you mean?! Sit down and actually read a book for an hour? Sit down and blog for an hour? but thats a waste of time, I could be doing this this and this, or walking the dog, or having a bath, or going to the gym or or or or or... and so it goes on.
I overthink so much, yet ironically, end up doing nothing. So tell me, whats actually the point in the over thinking part? the talking down to yourself part? the thinking you're not good enough part?

I've decided that this year, instead of going down a path of counselling and/or medication, I'm going to try and train my own mind to think in a different way. I guess my own form of meditation? I've always been the type of person to think 'what a load of bollocks', when it comes to things like yoga or meditation, but actually, when I give it a chance, instead of judging it, it's kind of easing my thoughts a little. Instead of opening my eyes in the morning and feeling my heart race at the thought of my day, I simply just picture the warm shower I'm about to get it, the nice face wash I get to smell to wake myself up. Literally taking my day step by step. Sounds crazy right? but its working.

REMEMBER YOUR WORTH
I'll tell you now honey, nothing will kill soul you more than putting yourself in a position that makes you feel like an idiot. Whether it be sticking in a friendship/relationship with someone whose done you wrong or trying to be someone you're not. Remember what you're about - I know I have a genuine heart and good intentions. I'm generally an all round nice person and I need to remember not to change that for anyone. I've learnt that I could never lower my personality to fit in with a certain friendship group, career path, or lifestyle, just like I will never let go of what I know I deserve as a person. What I'm trying to say here is, (the classic line), 'there is only one of you', but its true! You are precious, treat yourself as such. It helps your mental health, trust me.

NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAMS *cliche but true*
Okay so if I'm being completely and utterly honest, my dream would be this:

• Live in a country house big enough for my two dogs, a sausage dog, a miniature poodle, and my two siamese cats. (Obviously a hunk of a husband would be nice, (as long as he's not too annoying) & maybe a couple of kids)
• Have a Range Rover Evoque (completely black all over), have my own business (doing what, I dunno yet), but all the while, living my best life, you know?

OH and a holiday home in maybe three or four destinations?
But seriously.. being realistic I will always, ALWAYS, have in mind these three things:

HAPPINESS - 

I can whole heartedly say my happiness has been robbed of me over the past 2 years. (I mean how dare it?). I almost don't even really know what happiness feels like anymore. I always think about this little old man at work, who can just about still walk. How can he be so happy every single day? He spends his time filling up hanger rails and pushing around cages, all the while singing and whistling to himself. He is always so cheery and smiley and I am so jealous!! How does he do that?!  I really struggle with monotonous routine, and for once I feel like its something I shouldn't be ashamed of anymore. I've always thought that you were just meant to have a strict routine of going to work every day, eat the same lunches, see the same people, talk about the same shit day in day out, and to be honest I think its what's driven me insane. My main goal for 2018 is to find some form of happiness, within myself. Not in a boyfriend, a job, a passion or a hobby, but in myself. I've kind of lost myself as of late and I'm finally excited for 2018, to give me a chance of new ideas and inspiration for my future.

LOVE - 

"LOVE IS LIKE OXYGEN, 

LOVE IS A MANY, SPLENDID THING,

LOVE, LIFTS US UP WHERE WE BELONG,

ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE" 

(cheeky Moulin Rouge quote for you there). 

In all seriousness, I've realised love is so so important to me. I love hard. Truly, madly, deeply, if you will, (vom). I don't need love to survive, but when I do have it in my life (I'm talking in a romantic way here), I need it in the right way. I basically realise that I would be the shittest gold digger ever. You could give me all the shopping money in the world, my favourite car, a beautiful flat and a new pair of black boots every single week, but if I don't feel that warm, fuzzy, stupid, excessive, over the top, crazy passion from someone in return for my heart (and yes, it does exist), I can't do it. Its all or nothing for me baby. I'll never understand those couples that can go on an evening out and just stare at their phones, or come home from a day at work or a week away and not be welcomed and celebrated home. It just blows my mind. I'd rather snuggle together in a cardboard box than live in a mansion being ignored, you get what I'm trying to say here?

HEALTH - 

My health being at 80-100%, is the dream. It's very precious to me, I know what its like to have it taken away for months at a time and I'll tell you one thing, it ain't nice and it ain't pretty. Even on my lowest of days I count my lucky stars that my general health has been decent for the past 6 months. I also try to remind myself most days that I can see, hear, walk, talk, breathe, like.... how lucky am I?

I'm still not really sure what my #goals are for 2018 yet, and to be honest, I'm a little bored of reading the 392589 '2018 GOALZZZ' blog posts I've been reading through the month of January, so I'l spare you that. I'm not really sure the point of this post actually is, maybe just to remind myself, and you, that you are bad ass and you can do anything. Whether that be training your brain to tell you you'll be okay if you get out of bed that day, or doing a sky dive - your choice. Whatever you chose to be happy, whether it be big or small, celebrate it. Any victory is a step in the right direction hey! :)

PS if you're interested in my outift:

Jacket - Primark

Jumper - Primark

Trousers - Zara

Shoes - Reebok

Necklace - Topshop (old)

Thanks for reading!
Madi x

AUTUMN ANXIETY

Its been so long since I've sat down and typed at my laptop, I'm not even sure how to start a blog post any more, let alone write one! I'm literally just going to sit here with no plans, no bullet points, no structure, just type my mind (so sorry if its a bit of a mish mash of rambles).

So, Autumn, most peoples favourite time of year. Where everyone goes into a knitwear frenzy, everything suddenly becomes pumpkin spice flavoured and if you don't have a photo of some form of autumn leaf or carved pumpkin on your Instagram, you can't possibly love Autumn as much as the next person. I'm usually in a state of content this time of year, where my working days seem short (due to the first couple hours being before the sunrise), and the hours I spend snuggled in my dressing gown with Theo, or curled around an endless stream of Youtube videos from my phone while wrapped up in bed, seem to have not much of a limit. This is my happy place. Or so it was.

This year for the first time ever I'm left with my own thoughts. A lot. So the time I spend alone in my room or snuggling my dog aren't quite as sacred as they were before. They've become the norm, which means instead of feeling content and happy, I just feel lonely and exhausted by the thoughts constantly circling my head. For me the main reason for that is this - I am single. It's never really hit me before, that feeling of being truly alone. Where you could look at your phone after a couple hours and there be nothing there to read or respond to, you have no bags to pack for an overnight stay or nobody to wait for to meet after work. I've been in very serious relationships over my entire teen/young adult life, so for me, without having someone intertwined in my life, is a very strange, elating but also a completely empty feeling.

It's only this Autumn where I have truly realised what it must've been like for all my family and friends the past decade. I was the girl who always gave all of her time to her boyfriend. I was the girl who sacrificed rest and alone time for a boyfriend. And I was the girl that didn't give a second thought to how my friends would feel when I would cancel plans last minute because my boyfriends plans had changed. I am the girl who prefers one on one male company to any other company, and this year for the first time ever, I've experienced what it feels like to be on the other end of that, and to be honest, I'm glad. I think its the smack in the face I've been needing to make me not only truly appreciate time with my friends, to make time for them and make them feel valued in my life, but also value the time with any future relationships I may have. Its this year that my head has actually come out of the sand and realised all the cool things my friends have done while I've been spending all my time and energy in relationships.

Which leads me to thinking about myself and my life from now on. This year - this Autumn so far, has been a strange one. I've never ever felt more low, and I've never ever felt more disheartened and disappointed in myself, for wasting so much time on toxic relationships, that I now realise I was only holding on to (despite them making me deeply unhappy), to avoid this very feeling. I was using relationships to make me feel valued and worthy. I was using relationships to make me feel wanted, attractive and not alone. I realise now without that constant attention/distraction I'm desperately unhappy with myself.

ALAS, heres to happy changes. I'm not the type of person to dwell for too long and I hate moaning/people who moan too much. I'm constantly trying my very best to pick myself back up from low points and push myself for the next challenge, which is exactly what I'm about to do. 0 boyfriends in tow. Next week I set off to London, for a two week placement at John Lewis's head office in the Communications department. Even typing that makes me feel weird. I am quite frankly, pretty petrified. Right now I'm thinking about if my coach will get from Bristol to London ok, let alone getting up on time, getting ready, catching the tube, finding somewhere to eat lunch, navigating my way around London etc. I just know once I get there I'll think 'why did I worry about this so much', but for now I'm all kinds of nervous/excited. All my friends, ex boyfriends, and family, know that this whole working in London and putting my degree to use thing, is something I've always wanted to do, and to be honest, this time last year theres no way I'd have the balls to even enquire about such things. So, heres to Autumn 2017 - having the balls to try new things, nipping depression in the bud, valuing and giving time to myself and people who actually care about me over anybody else, and recognising my personal achievements, no matter how small.

PS this is the first outfit post I've done in literally YEARS. I used to be so confident strutting my stuff in front of a camera (granted it was usually on a tripod in my bedroom), so it felt super weird for my slightly shy/awkward 2017 self to be photographed by the lovely Chloe (from Chloeharriets.com)

Jumper - Primark

Earings - Primark

Trousers - Primark

Bag - Primark

Boots - Topshop

Watch - Marc Jacobs

Lipstick - MAC - Stone

Thanks for reading and I hope you're enjoying the Autumn season as much as the rest of our generation seems to be this year! 

Madi x

MY EXPERIENCE OF OVER THE PHONE COUNSELLING

So, where to begin.
I feel kinda nervous writing this post for some reason. Maybe because its pretty personal? or maybe because the experience I had wasn't all positive? I dunno. It's no secret if you read this blog, or have anything to do with my life, that I've had my fair share of mental health issues. Theres actually no doubt that everyone has suffered with mental health at some point in their lives. I've just found over the past few months how important it is to talk about your problems, acknowledge them, and find coping mechanisms to help get you through them and leave them in the past.

For the first time in years, 2017 has been the year I've focused my attention and pinpointed any issues I've had, head on. The reason for me getting over the phone counselling in the first place, is actually thanks to my amazing place of work - I've never been treated with such concern, sympathy, and patience, from my manager, the occupational health staff, and the HR department. When it comes to the well being of employees, my place of work is absolutely outstanding. I feel like joining the company at the time I did couldn't have worked out better for me. It's boosted my confidence in more ways than one; taking my first step into the full time working world, helped me grow as a professional and learn a specialised job role, and given me encouragement for my future career path. (and thats before the Occupational Health got to hear my name 42934 times in the space of 3 months - lol).

Long story short, I've suffered with the following over the past 6-12 months:
Suicidal thoughts, depression, extremely low self esteem, unstable personal identity, emotional abuse, temperamental extreme anxiety, and living with someone who is mentally unwell. I should mention now that this post is not a cry for help, neither is it a 'fad' post of claiming I have depression and anxiety and thats the reason for all my downfalls.

No, I'm merely accepting I've had mental health issues, and this is what has helped me, and might help you too.

THE BEGINNING:
When you first get over the phone counselling they tend to do a typical mental health check list with you. Things like, 'Are you interested in new things?' or 'Do you feel good about yourself?' and you have to answer on a rating of 1-5. 1 being never and 5 being often. Then they ask you a little about whats going on (I guess to get a brief over view of your situation), then ask when you're free/what times are good for you etc, and assign you to an appropriate counsellor.

When I first spoke to a counsellor in regards to the 'start up' of the counselling, I got a lady who I got a really good vibe from and felt at ease with her voice, tone and general presence in my ear hole. (Sounds weird but you'll get what I mean if you've ever experienced talking to someone you don't know over the phone). However, unfortunately for me she wasn't available when I needed her to be, so she assigned me to a different counsellor, which happened to be an over 60 year old man. I know it may sound sexist, or agist or whatever, but straight away I knew this wouldn't be best suited to me. I feel much more comfortable talking to women when it comes to my specific problems, especially as sometimes they are to do with male relationships or self esteem issues.

THE MIDDLE:
Throughout my time speaking to (lets call him 'R'), I found that the first few times I actually did feel inspired to get out of bed and do something with my time. When we first started talking I was physically stuck in bed unable to move (which I don't think he quite grasped), but eventually his wise words did make me want to get up and gain my self worth back. It was a happy coincidence that R was really into working on the computer with creative outlets, so we did have some things in common. I think a lot of my recently increased blog content is thanks to R, he kinda of reminded me that nothing comes for free, and you have to work hard at things you want to achieve/gain. We started with little tasks in regards to what I was passionate about, that I could carry out during the week. These included making my photos bigger on my blog, adding social media to the sidebar, or self teaching myself how to network - all of which I felt I achieved and felt good for.

After the first 2/3 times talking to R, I found at times I felt a little awkward and belittled by things he would say. Sometimes he would laugh at inappropriate times or make me feel a little worse/helpless for the current living situations I'm in. It's almost as though he felt as though he didn't know what to say so would make light of the situation by making a joke or laughing, (I feel this was maybe down to age difference). I found that after the 3rd/4th time of speaking to R, I dreaded every week when the call would come through. I felt as though the hour would drag, his words were repetitive and advice became stale - I even ignored the call once because I just wasn't in the mood, which is a shame because I was very open minded and had such high hopes for the source of help I was being offered at first.

THE END:
All in all I had six free sessions with R. I feel like considering this was a new thing for me, I really did feel more positive and excited for the future after the first couple phone calls. It was really refreshing to speak to someone new/you didn't know about your problems. I'm very aware of blabbing to my family and friends about my personal problems quite a lot, as naturally, I'm a very open and confrontational person. However, its something I want to stop doing so much as I don't want to become known as a negative Nancy, you know?

From session 3-6, I felt the same words/phrases were being repeated, and the calls were being cut shorter and shorter due to the same things being discussed and the same solutions being suggested, which all felt a bit superficial to me. As mentioned above I'm a very personable person. So trying to grasp coping mechanisms tailored specifically to me, over the phone, all felt a bit fake? I knew from the get go I'd be the sort of person that would much prefer to get out of the house and meet someone in person for counselling sessions, especially as some of my problems were here in the household. I also think if I had someone a bit more on my level, it would have really changed my opinion on over the phone counselling. Maybe next time hey!

Would I do over the phone counselling again? Possibly. I just found it really awkward to find alone time/be in a confidential space, considering I was off sick from work and stuck in the house. Which I can imagine being the case for a lot of people who reach out for counselling. I think it would've helped me to have a focus each week to force myself to shower & get dressed for, if you get what I mean.

Have you tried over the phone counselling before? or do you have any recommendations for counselling that has really helped you?
Thanks for reading, as always!
Madi x

LIVING WITH AN AUTO-IMMUNE DISORDER

The past 10ish days have been tough. Writing this post, will inevitably be tough. Having to take strong medication to suppress my immune system every day, is something I never thought would be a part of my daily routine. You might be questioning, why am I writing about a health problem, on my Fashion and Lifestyle blog? but, the truth is, this is a part of my life, and a massive part at that. I find something so comforting in the fact that people are so passionate about writing about mental health on the internet now a days, however, I find it quite rare to come across people talking about physical health problems. I mean, at the end of the day, nobody wants to admit they have any kind of problem, or flaunt that their lives are anything other than perfect on social media. However, I'm hoping by sharing my experiences and the way I feel, will help people understand and/or relate to me, and why I seem to deteriorate in the way I do from time to time. 

Around two years ago now, I was hospitalised for my atopic dermatitis. Hospitalised? for eczema? Thats what I thought when I was lying head to toe in bandages for 3 months, barely able to move. 

As a quick run down, I suffered from eczema from birth - to around 3 years old. After that I have no memory of ever having eczema, until it all began in 2010, when I remember having to borrow some of my ex's mum's aqueous cream for a persistent irritation in the creases of my arms. Fast forward over the course of 5/6 years, I was introduced to cream after cream, steroid after steroid, until I got to the point where I was head to toe (and I mean head to toe), in aggressive, stubborn, skin rashes. 2015 enough was enough. I was slathering all these toxic potions and lotions all over me every. single. day, that seemed to make my skin ok for a day or two, but in the long run were making me worse as apposed to better. I decided to stop the steroids. (You can read about other people who do this for a hope of relief, here) Three months after stopping steroids, my body became in, what I can only describe as, 'melt down mode' and I was hospitalised for a week to get rid of any infections and start a course of strong Immuno Suppressant drugs. 

PHYSICALLY

To my knowledge, my immune system doesn't work properly, and the way in which it effects me, is my skin. I don't just mean a small patch on the backs of my knees or the creases of my elbows. I mean everywhere. My neck, shoulders, forearms, arm pit creases, back, torso, bum, hips, thighs, legs, knees - everywhere. Some days, I can cry while putting on leggings, or trying to paint my toe nails, because my entire thigh/backs of my knees are so inflamed, the only comfortable way to be, is led in bed. Some days I have to lie in bed in a certain position, and can't even bring my phone to my face because it stings every inch of my arms/shoulders too much to do so. When my skin is bad, I feel suffocated in my own body, sometimes even the air can hurt me, and I can merely just stare at the patterns in the ceiling to distract myself from the sting/itch/burn that my body seems to create for a reason unknown to myself, (and what feels like most consultants/doctors). The skin is the biggest organ your body maintains, and mines dysfunctional and constantly attacking itself. This means I'm pretty exhausted every day, I usually take a 2 hour nap after work, followed by an 8-10 hour sleep over night. Sometimes my neck will be so flared I can't drive, because I can't move to maneuver or see across junctions etc. I sometimes itch so deeply, it feels as though a thousand insects and wasps are under my skin and sometimes when I shower, the water on my skin can feel like acid, and even when I put clothes on, I can feel the fibres irritating me almost immediately. 

MENTALLY

Perhaps now, more than ever, my condition has a huge effect on my mental health. I have had bouts of carefree skin in the past 2 years. My medication has worked perfectly and for some reason my skin has decided to give me a break for up to 6 months at a time. However, this is what makes the relapse even worse. I know what it feels like to have good skin. I know how it feels, to be able to go out all the time, socialize every night, eat and drink what I want, and work full time, without feeling exhausted and run down. Whenever my skin is bad, I feel my entire being/soul/existence leaves my body. I'm not me anymore. The me when my skin is bad is a weak, lonely, suicidal, distant, angry, and so deeply sad. I feel as though I will never be normal, or like my peers, or able to enjoy/fore fill a normal life. I am a very ambitious, striving and determined little person, but when my illness strikes in the way it does I feel insignificant and hopeless. Getting showered and dressed every day is a challenge in itself. I have to make sure the shower is the right temperature, brace myself for the sting, make sure that the towel is clean, that I have enough of my cleanser to wash with, that I have the right makeup to cover up my red face/neck, that I have clean, light, cotton clothes to wear and I have enough time before I leave the house, to allow my skin to cool down and to be a little less red. This routine is as exhausting as it sounds. Mentally and physically. Watching my friends and family whack on their shorts on a summers day or a strappy backless top on a night out, silently frustrates me no end. Why can't I do that? Why do I always have to cover up, wear long sleeves and trousers so nobodies distracted by my sometimes shockingly pink skin. Sometimes I feel as though watching the world go by from my bed, is the only way I'll ever be. I'm always going to suffer and I'm never going to find a solution. Its super hard when friends/family/past boyfriends are constantly telling me, 'just don't think about it and carry on with life', which for the most part, I try my damn hardest to do so, however, tell me, if you had fallen in stinging nettles - naked, got sunburnt, and then had ants crawling all over you, you could forget about it? because realistically, thats how I can describe it feeling. 

EMOTIONALLY

Draining. I'm pretty sure thats the only word that could fit along side 'emotionally', when it comes to my condition. Its hard having to let down friends, colleagues, family, and myself, on what feels like a constant basis. Especially when its not something like the flu or a bad stomach, something relatable that people can understand. I don't want to have to miss out on friends birthdays, I don't want to turn down going out to lunch or meeting up, and I don't want to have to reduce my hours at work - which is why I usually push myself to my very last legs. I've turned up to work, nights out, dates, to meet friends, take the dog out etc, with puffy eyes, a deeply sore and red neck (somewhere that often shows), and a body thats covered in ugly eczema, for months on end now. Pushing and pushing to force myself into a normal lifestyle. I cry every single day when I've reached my limit. I feel like I'm at a battle with myself, as well as the world around me.  It truly, 101%, sucks. I know there are worse things in the world, and as a sensitive person I have a very heavy heart, which lands me finding world trauma's/events very overwhelming as well! However, when I feel so hopeless, theres nothing I can do but feel deeply sad at the predicament I find myself in. 

THANK GOD FOR GOOD SUPPORT

I'm so super lucky in the respect that I have an amazing doctor, help on hand at home, an amazing boss at work and thoughtful friends, they just seem to have the best responses when I'm having such a shitty time. It amazes me how many offers I get for people to come and visit me, or buy me presents or flowers to cheer me up. (You're all so special to me!! It's true). 

At the moment I'm in a place where I feel pretty anxious to participate in normal activity's, like go outside, see my friends, go to social events, or even shower most days incase of it triggering a flare. 

This week I go back to my dermatologist for the second time in 5 days, to find out results of blood tests and to potentially change my medication to get me back on track. I'm also putting loads of my brain power into my blog at the moment to keep me focused/busy. I do have hope, although its been the hardest thing to feel these past few months. 'Hope'. I didn't write this post for any attention, and I'm sorry if this was difficult or a bit (very) depressing for your Sunday evening read, but I just wanted to get my voice heard at a time where I feel very isolated and alone with my condition. If you do have any questions or want to talk to me about anything I've talked about, do pop me a message!

madeleiinegraceblogs@gmail.com,

Heres to a more cheery blog post next time around! 

Thanks for reading as always, 

Madi x

PRETTY THINGS & BEING MINDFUL

Lately, I've been trying really hard to keep myself focused. Focused on keeping positive, and doing life in general. I feel like sometimes we feel ashamed to say we've not been keeping up with the daily demands of life, or not dealing so well with accepting inconvenient health problems, or unexpected loss/life events that are thrown our way. It's weird because, in hind sight, when I feel fine and happy again, its hard to believe that just a couple weeks ago I was lower than I've been in around 2 years. I'm usually really good at getting my head away from negativity. I've always had to be, what with family dispute and dealing with not only the mental health of my own, but of loved ones, too. 

One of my favourite pass times is thinking of self aid. What can I do that will make me feel better? Thanks to my mothers incredible nesting skills, I find I'm good at comforting myself back into a state of what I'd class as - happiness.

READ A REAL BOOK:

The other day my friend Esther happened to open the boot of her car, where I saw a book lying there, amongst other bits and bobs. (welcome to Esther's boot, everyone ;). She offered to let me borrow it, after saying she'd found it a good pool side read, on her holiday last week. Its been ages since I've really got stuck into a book. You can't beat a good paper back - no kindle, tablet or laptop is quite the same. I'm really enjoying it so far, (I Found You, by Lisa Jewell). I find books are the only way of letting my mind really escape. You have to physically turn a page, to get onto the next part and you have to fully focus your mind on each word, to grasp the story. Theres no endless scrolling feature, ads or silly videos to distract you. Something I definitely want to make more of a habit of.  

WRITE:

I feel really disheartened sometimes, about how far we've moved away from pen and paper. So much so, I sometimes forget what my hand writing even looks like. I took a trip to Paperchase after work the other day, just for a sneaky gander at the stationary (as you do). I've been thinking about writing letters for ages now, and it reminded me of how me and my grandma used to write letters to each other, when I was around 11/12. I remember how excited I'd feel seeing a hand written envelope waiting for me in the front porch. Despite the fact she only lived up the road, it was such a sweet little way of communication we had. When I saw how gorgeous this letter set was,  how could I resist?! Its actually embossed with gold detail, comes with 20 sheets, 10 envelopes, and was a mere £5. Theres something calming about writing, just like reading. It annoys me how we're all so consumed with technology and its wonderful ways. (She says, typing a blog post on a Macbook). Making more time to write is another thing I want to make time for, even if its just a list of 'to do's' from time to time. 

SURROUND YOURSELF WITH PRETTY THINGS:

Aren't flowers just the best thing ever to brighten/lift a room? (and of course, your mood!). Me and my step sister were talking today, about how you just can't beat receiving flowers. On occasion, I will buy myself some flowers to make me feel good, but only if they're cheap or I see them in passing while out shopping etc. I currently have the most BEAUTiful bouquet of roses I've actually ever seen?! On my desk. I've always wondered what it felt like to have flowers delivered to your work/house. When I was super ill last week, I was literally filling out an appeal for a stupid parking ticket I'd got (funnily enough, at the doctors), feeling SUPER shitty, when I looked out of the window to see a little old man shuffle to my door, with a big box of flowers. Surely not for me...he must have the wrong house? were my initial thoughts. I was so overwhelmed by just the personalised note that came with them, I literally burst into tears on the spot, in front of my mum and her friend. BLESS. ME. (Thanks CM ;)). 

MAKE A DEN

This is literally my favourite thing to do. As much as I love getting out there, exploring, visiting places, driving around in my little automobile. Nothing beats preening and pruning my bedroom, changing my bed sheets, lighting my candles, turning on the fairy lights and watching Youtube/Netflix in my little nest. (Admittedly, I do this every night at around 8pm if I have no plans). I am secretly a little door mouse, its true. 

I think its so important to keep yourself grounded in life. In a generation where we're all so consumed with the daily comparisons, horror stories and superficial lives on social media, or the over whelming choices we're given, with near enough everything - from clothes, to entertainment, to interiors, to music. Sometimes I find my little heart is so heavy. I find it quite hard to filter and process things a lot of the time, what I like, what I don't, who I want to be, who I don't etc. Hence why I spend a lot of my time escaping it all in the comforts of my sheets. However, I do feel a whole tonne better once I take some proper time for myself. Eating & drinking well, dressing yourself nicely, spending time to do your hair, treating yourself to nice makeup, making your surroundings smell good. Self love is a wonderful thing, but only if you're good at it. Luckily, I am a firm believer in that, practise makes perfect. 

Is there anything you do to help keep yourself sane in this crazy world we live in? 

Hope you all have a lovely weekend! Thanks for reading, Madi x