25 THINGS I'VE LEARNT IN 25 YEARS

It's been a good 48 hours now since I turned the ripe old age of 25, so I feel nows a good time to reflect. (As apposed to on the day, when I had a mixture of feelings, from excitement to impending doom). Can I believe I'm now 25? No. Do I feel like an adult now? No. 25 is such a funny age. Quotes that seem to be associated with 25 are, 'All down hill from here', or, 'Not long till you're 30!', or my mum's favourite, 'isn't it about time you got your own flat? you're 25 now'. 

I always remember thinking when I was around 16, that 25 was SO. OLD. I had a few friends older than me and just remember thinking, 'I'm so glad I'm not that old yet'. I'm not really sure why, maybe because I've always had quite a young and carefree outlook on life, and now it seems I actually have to get my butt in gear when it comes to 'growing up', and life in general. 

I was looking through my baby photos the other day and it just gave me the idea for this post. Its actually hilarious how demanding and spoilt I was. (You'll see in photos to come). I guess that's what came along with not only being an only child for 10 years, but also being the absolute apple of my parents eyes, considering it took them 7 years for me to even arrive on planet earth. 25 has been, without a doubt, my biggest year yet for self reflection. 

16-18, everything was exciting, there was not much time to worry about anything really. Personality traits and looks were manipulated, shaped, and admired by different friendship groups or boys that wanted your attention, and most trail of thought went into what you were wearing that weekend. I feel as though I had my most friends and most male attention during this time, and I was without a doubt at my most outgoing. 

18-22 was the time my eyes were opened to different romantic relationships, different life experiences, working, learning and socialising all at once, travelling without parents, and achieving things like learning to drive and gaining my degree. 

22-25 has been weird for me. Its as if there has been a huge anti climax. Now that uni is over, I'm settled in a full time job, I've had the same friends for a couple of years, I'm still living at home & I'm single.. life is just.. still? It's as if I've been given the time to look at my life in every single aspect. My personality traits, my looks, my interests, my style, my sexuality, my friends, my aspirations. The list goes on. 

So, I thought I'd write a little list about 25 things I've learnt in 25 years, (and show you some pretty hilarious photos along the way). 

1. Travelling actually feeds my soul. I don't care how cliche that sounds, its true. Every time I travel to a new place, I get a rush of inspiration, a warm and fuzzy feeling inside, and a general buzz from seeing sites I've never seen before. 

2. I will never be a naturally tidy person. I've spend a good 4-5 years now of trying to maintain some kind of order in my room/car/bathroom, and naturally trying to acquire OCD. It never happens. I'll put it down to creativity...

3. Saving money is some of the best life advice I can give. Don't get me wrong, I'm not able to save much AT ALL, but when I do its great to be able to book holidays, buy something you've wanted for ages, and not to mention, get you out of shit when your car goes wrong. 

4. I WILL be late if I don't set at least 4 alarms..

5. House parties are some of the best times you'll have in your life. Appreciate the fact you don't yet have an ID if you're under the age of 16. Sometimes running round your garden and jumping on the trampoline at 3am is 100% better than someone spilling tequila shots down your top at a busy bar. 

6. If you want something in life, you really do have to work for it. I've learnt nothing comes for free. 

If you want a certain job, you have to aspire to and work for it, not just temporarily, but always.

If you want love, you have to first learn to relentlessly work on and love yourself.

Nothing is impossibly, 'you are your only limit', and all that shiii'. 

7. Nothing gives me a bigger sense of achievement than learning something new.  

8. Even though I'm usually seen to wear a lot, I love wearing no makeup. The feeling of loads of product on my face kind of makes me feel a bit sick, and most of the time I can't wait to wash it off. 

9. Put me in a tent for the night, drunk or not, and I will become a ball of anger, rage, and will cry at least once.

10. Being demanding, spoilt or egotistical gets you nowhere. You actually end up looking like a massive bellend and life will always bite you in the ass in return, in one way or another. #behumble (#sitdown). 

11. The feeling of knowing you're completely self sufficient is the best ever. I've spent years in different relationships who have all completely wiped my ass for me, and on the flip side I've experienced men making me feel guilty for not paying for my own meal, or calling me 'princessy' for expecting basic chivalry. I think the term in return to that would be, 'stuff your money, up your ass hole'. I have my own, thanks. 

12. Learn to know what you want from life, and what you don't. Whether its someone who doesn't treat you right, you're not on the salary you want, or something doesn't set your soul on fire.

Never, settle for less than what you want. 

13. Don't be afraid of being authoritative and a little bit bossy. I've learnt that it's really important to let people know, that although I'm a petite 5"3 girl, I know what I want, and I know how important it can be to say no.  

14. People will ALWAYS talk about you. Unless you live under an actual rock, or you have no interaction with anyone other than yourself, you'll always get people talking about you. Good, bad, or bitchy. The best thing I've learnt is to acknowledge it, appreciate it, laugh at it, and let it go - pronto. 

15. Always be true to yourself. Stop hanging out with friends that make you feel shitty, quit putting energy into relationships that don't make you grow, wear the lipstick colour you want, eat the food you want, stop if you want to take a photo, don't follow the crowd, don't kiss boys you don't want to and stop spending money on things you don't want to do. 

 16. Accept that things don't always go your way. I've come from an up bringing where my shit don't stink and whatever I want, I can have (see photos above). However, I've learnt to accept that things take time to achieve, so not to be disappointed if you don't get the job you really want first time around, or appreciate the fact it takes time to build up a profession or to become good at a hobby you have.

17. As much as you think you need multiple lipsticks of the same colour/shade. You don't.

18. Investing time in yourself is time well spent. This year I've really invested time and money into my love for photography, blogging, and travel. I'm slowly learning to spend time on myself as apposed to using other people to find my happiness and self worth.

19. Trying to acknowledge and get through my health problems has been one of my toughest downfalls in the past couple years. Once I'm ill I crash and burn, and once I'm well I burn the candle at both ends in fear of getting ill again. I'm the worst at accepting theres anything wrong with me, sometimes its good to just accept the bad times and just ride it out. 'This too, shall pass' is maybe one of the most relevant quotes to my life.

20. Never be made to feel you're asking too much. I always have and always will, like nice things. I like beautiful places, I like expensive food and I like quality clothing. In the past I've been made to feel I'm too 'snobby' and should settle for less. Nuh uh. (Ref. point 12)

21. Never underestimate the power of animals to lift your mood. If you're ever feeling sad, go to your local petting farm and feed some goats, or pet some bunnies. If you have friends with a dog, take it for a walk. If you love cats, pet one any time you can.

22. I'm pretty much 100% in line with every single star sign reading I've ever read, its creepy. I am 100% Leo and I'm pretty sure it's obvious to anyone whose met me.

23. Accept that its ok to be an emotional, arty farty, expressive human. I've spent years holding in feelings, interests, and thoughts, when it comes to how I am as a person, in fear of judgment. Theres not much that makes me feel happier than typing up blog posts, taking photos, doing someones makeup, going to independent art exhibitions, aimlessly wondering new cities and listening to music I like. I'm done with feeling embarrassed about all of the above!

24. Constantly make memories. I am in constant ore of reminiscing over things I've done, and I still fantasise about what I would do if I had the time/effort to scrapbook.

25. Love as hard as you can. In recent years I've been made to feel like my love has been wasted, or I give away too much. I've had moments where I've felt my obsession with a person or my admiration towards someones personality/brain is too much or I'm being over whelming. However, I know what it feels like to get that love in return, and with the right person you should never have to change the way you love. I know I never will, thats for sure.

Phew! 

Well done if you got through that job lot. 

Heres to continuing to learn, grow and be the happiest I can be in years to come. 

Thanks for reading, as always!

Madi x

MY EXPERIENCE OF OVER THE PHONE COUNSELLING

So, where to begin.
I feel kinda nervous writing this post for some reason. Maybe because its pretty personal? or maybe because the experience I had wasn't all positive? I dunno. It's no secret if you read this blog, or have anything to do with my life, that I've had my fair share of mental health issues. Theres actually no doubt that everyone has suffered with mental health at some point in their lives. I've just found over the past few months how important it is to talk about your problems, acknowledge them, and find coping mechanisms to help get you through them and leave them in the past.

For the first time in years, 2017 has been the year I've focused my attention and pinpointed any issues I've had, head on. The reason for me getting over the phone counselling in the first place, is actually thanks to my amazing place of work - I've never been treated with such concern, sympathy, and patience, from my manager, the occupational health staff, and the HR department. When it comes to the well being of employees, my place of work is absolutely outstanding. I feel like joining the company at the time I did couldn't have worked out better for me. It's boosted my confidence in more ways than one; taking my first step into the full time working world, helped me grow as a professional and learn a specialised job role, and given me encouragement for my future career path. (and thats before the Occupational Health got to hear my name 42934 times in the space of 3 months - lol).

Long story short, I've suffered with the following over the past 6-12 months:
Suicidal thoughts, depression, extremely low self esteem, unstable personal identity, emotional abuse, temperamental extreme anxiety, and living with someone who is mentally unwell. I should mention now that this post is not a cry for help, neither is it a 'fad' post of claiming I have depression and anxiety and thats the reason for all my downfalls.

No, I'm merely accepting I've had mental health issues, and this is what has helped me, and might help you too.

THE BEGINNING:
When you first get over the phone counselling they tend to do a typical mental health check list with you. Things like, 'Are you interested in new things?' or 'Do you feel good about yourself?' and you have to answer on a rating of 1-5. 1 being never and 5 being often. Then they ask you a little about whats going on (I guess to get a brief over view of your situation), then ask when you're free/what times are good for you etc, and assign you to an appropriate counsellor.

When I first spoke to a counsellor in regards to the 'start up' of the counselling, I got a lady who I got a really good vibe from and felt at ease with her voice, tone and general presence in my ear hole. (Sounds weird but you'll get what I mean if you've ever experienced talking to someone you don't know over the phone). However, unfortunately for me she wasn't available when I needed her to be, so she assigned me to a different counsellor, which happened to be an over 60 year old man. I know it may sound sexist, or agist or whatever, but straight away I knew this wouldn't be best suited to me. I feel much more comfortable talking to women when it comes to my specific problems, especially as sometimes they are to do with male relationships or self esteem issues.

THE MIDDLE:
Throughout my time speaking to (lets call him 'R'), I found that the first few times I actually did feel inspired to get out of bed and do something with my time. When we first started talking I was physically stuck in bed unable to move (which I don't think he quite grasped), but eventually his wise words did make me want to get up and gain my self worth back. It was a happy coincidence that R was really into working on the computer with creative outlets, so we did have some things in common. I think a lot of my recently increased blog content is thanks to R, he kinda of reminded me that nothing comes for free, and you have to work hard at things you want to achieve/gain. We started with little tasks in regards to what I was passionate about, that I could carry out during the week. These included making my photos bigger on my blog, adding social media to the sidebar, or self teaching myself how to network - all of which I felt I achieved and felt good for.

After the first 2/3 times talking to R, I found at times I felt a little awkward and belittled by things he would say. Sometimes he would laugh at inappropriate times or make me feel a little worse/helpless for the current living situations I'm in. It's almost as though he felt as though he didn't know what to say so would make light of the situation by making a joke or laughing, (I feel this was maybe down to age difference). I found that after the 3rd/4th time of speaking to R, I dreaded every week when the call would come through. I felt as though the hour would drag, his words were repetitive and advice became stale - I even ignored the call once because I just wasn't in the mood, which is a shame because I was very open minded and had such high hopes for the source of help I was being offered at first.

THE END:
All in all I had six free sessions with R. I feel like considering this was a new thing for me, I really did feel more positive and excited for the future after the first couple phone calls. It was really refreshing to speak to someone new/you didn't know about your problems. I'm very aware of blabbing to my family and friends about my personal problems quite a lot, as naturally, I'm a very open and confrontational person. However, its something I want to stop doing so much as I don't want to become known as a negative Nancy, you know?

From session 3-6, I felt the same words/phrases were being repeated, and the calls were being cut shorter and shorter due to the same things being discussed and the same solutions being suggested, which all felt a bit superficial to me. As mentioned above I'm a very personable person. So trying to grasp coping mechanisms tailored specifically to me, over the phone, all felt a bit fake? I knew from the get go I'd be the sort of person that would much prefer to get out of the house and meet someone in person for counselling sessions, especially as some of my problems were here in the household. I also think if I had someone a bit more on my level, it would have really changed my opinion on over the phone counselling. Maybe next time hey!

Would I do over the phone counselling again? Possibly. I just found it really awkward to find alone time/be in a confidential space, considering I was off sick from work and stuck in the house. Which I can imagine being the case for a lot of people who reach out for counselling. I think it would've helped me to have a focus each week to force myself to shower & get dressed for, if you get what I mean.

Have you tried over the phone counselling before? or do you have any recommendations for counselling that has really helped you?
Thanks for reading, as always!
Madi x