BACK WHEN I WAS COOL

I was cruising the Interwebs the other day, as you do, when I decided to look at my old blog. The blog I started way back when in 2009, when I first found my, #passionforfashion. (For some reason, whenever I talk about Fashion, I just have to hashtag, 'Passion for Fashion', and every time I do, it reminds me of the Bratz dolls slogan, remember those?). One of my favourite style influencer back then (and still to this day), was Lily Melrose (plus a tonne of people from Tumblr or Lookbook.nu I embarrassingly, religiously, obsessed over - ). I remember checking Lily's blog every single day to check in on what garments she was showing off next.

There's something so satisfying about reading blog posts, don't you think? Especially when they're personal fashion and/or beauty ones. Having a nose into someone else's wardrobes or makeup bags just fascinates me. (Maybe I'm just nosey as fuk). Anyway, looking through my old photos got me thinking. I was so good at actually posting my outfit every day I had a day off work, and I had so much confidence in doing so. Whacking out all the different poses, not being afraid to show off my body shape or style etc, and doing it purely because I found it fun to shoot photos of myself with my £19.99 Argos tripod. I feel frustrated at myself sometimes at the fact I've just seemed to let it all slip over the past 4ish years. I feel there are probably a few people out there that feel the same as me about blogging. The ones that have been watching Youtubers grow since 2008, or the ones that have Tumblr accounts dating back to 2007, when they were just 'so emo'. The old school bloggers that have just seemed to have gotten lost in the overwhelming explosion of 'prettier' women, or 'more popular' content. I realise now its stupid of me to stop what I was doing, purely because I thought my style didn't fit with what people liked anymore.

                         

I think in recent years the Internet and social media has BLOWN. UP. All of a sudden people are making millions from their Youtube accounts or being interviewed by big brands because of their perfectly commercialised blog content, that everyone can't help but be interested in. There are girls that perfectly fit the 'Instagram girl' look and end up making money by promoting clothing brands and discount codes. To which I say - fair fucking play. If you've got the confidence and you've got the aesthetic to fit a trend everyones loving - go for it. It's just unfortunate for me that I ended up letting boys and boozing take up majority of my free time over the past few years, and letting the doubt I felt over people judging me or making fun of me, take over - thus losing touch with one of my favourite hobbies. I guess I'm kind of writing this post as a reminder to myself, 'you've done this all before'. Received emails from independent brands, shot and shared outfit posts, reviewed subscription boxes, received emails and comments with compliments and encouragement, tested out makeup products, met up with people from the internet I've never met. I feel as though I'm ready to jump back on the blogging band wagon and actually produce content I've always wanted to again. It may not mean I have a photographer boyfriend to take snazzy photos of me, a fancy flat in London, or expensive technical equipment - but why not carry on what I started, when it was something I enjoyed so much.

Its funny how I feel as though I was more confident in myself when I was 14-18, the ages where you're stereotypically supposed to feel the most self conscious?! I feel as though my 20's have been my most anxiety filled, doubtful and confusing years of my life so far. Now more than ever, I've lost where I fit, or what my style even is, or which direction I'm taking in life. (Read my blog post of being a confused 20-something here).  I always remember feeling so cool, strolling down the street in my unique vintage finds, or wearing my expensive new blusher that I was sent in a Glossy Box. I found an awesome post from Jemma Wade where she talks about 'grabbing life by the balls', and doing what you want in life, not being afraid to try out loads of different hobbies/interests/careers, and not always conforming to what society tells us to do. Her words were as if she was reading my brains daily thoughts! Anyway, what I think I'm trying to say is, never be afraid to do you. I always feel when I wear something new I've bought, or post a new blog post, or make certain life choices, I'll in some way or another, receive negative feedback or a bad reaction from people - but why should I care? I've learnt over time that anyone who makes me feel insignificant or embarrassed over things I chose to wear, interests I have, friends I hang around with or music I listen to - say goodbye. Life's way, way too short to have people in your life that don't make you feel good about yourself. Am I right or am I right?

PS can we just take a moment for my eyebrows circa 2009-2013? oh my. 

Thanks for reading, as always

Heres to doing you & being the best #girlboss or #boyboss you can be.

Madi x

N O I S E

Nooooooooo... a couple of outfit posts!? Surely not!? Ok so, when we were in Budapest, I bought a couple new items of clothes and thought, 'right, I'm going to be REALLY annoying, and ask Chrsitina every. single. day, to take photo's of my outfit'. I was super sure I'd have an entire array of photos and outfits to show you.. HOWEVER, by day 2, that was it, my energy (and probably Christina's energy too), was gone. Motivation for any kind of posing, had well and truly, left the building. Look though! I did a little suttin' suttin'. I actually got my posing out, in front of random passer's by, not that far from the Museum of Applied Arts, Budapest. 

ANYWAY, ehem, back to my 2010 Fashion Blogger tone.. 

This outfit, was incredible. I can't really remember what the weather was like this day, a little on and off. I just can't get over how airy and light this top is, and isn't it so unusual!? The cut and print design on it were the bits that caught my eye the most, (not to mention it was a mere £19.99). A crisp, cool and airy cotton material - I am in love. Anything that lets my skin breath and allows me to move freely, is like a match made in heaven to me. Due to the top being quite a statement piece, I decided to pair it with plain black cotton leggings and my trusty Van Classics. (Holding Primark sunglasses for effect, I'm pretty sure I didn't need them this day). 

Top - Zara

Leggings - H&M

Vans - Vans

Sunglasses - Primark

Earings - Primark

Maybe my favourite outfit out of the entire trip? I think this outfit really just sums me up. A mixture of street wear, cutsie pieces, and silver accessories. Ask most people that know me and I'm pretty sure thats how they'd describe my general day to day style. (Asides from my XL tshirts and leggings which I actually wear 90% of the time). I was quite skeptical about buying this Carhartt tshirt, it's been a bazillion years since I've invested in something 'designer' or 'with a name', as my mum would say. I've just not really seen the fascination with it, especially when I know I can get something similar for a fraction of the price elsewhere. HOWEVER, I feel like just this tshirt alone, has changed my perception. I cannot get over how SOFT and amazing this tshirt felt. I ended up wearing it down to breakfast every day once I realised how beautiful it felt on my skin. Plus it looks cool as fuq.

Tshirt - Carhartt

Jumpsuit - Topshop (old)

Belt - Topshop

Shoes - Converse

Sunglasses - Primark

HAPPINESS LEVEL, 100%

How did I not realise that it was International Day of Happiness, until the very end of the day? Seeing the odd post on Twitter is what spurred me on to write this post this evening. 

I love thinking about what makes me happy. It almost makes me want to experience it all at once and relish in the feeling. My nan always speaks to me about happiness, and that ultimate moment where you feel and think to yourself, 'this must be it, this is happiness'. Feelings I get when singing (shouting) with Christina, lyrics of our favourite song in the car, when Theo actually snuggles himself into me and presses his nose against mine, or when I'm surrounded by my nearest and dearest, tucking into a glass of Prosecco. 

Heres a little list of things that make me the most happy:

I. Waking up to sunshine. 

Who doesn't love that? my favourite days are when I've had an exhausting week at work, the weather has been dull and miserable and I've spent the best part of the week dashing too and from my car - Sloshing my travel cup of Earl Grey absolutely everywhere, trying to put my hood up and trying to fish for the pound for my locker in my pocket, all at the same time. 6.50am multitasking at its very finest. Waking up to sunshine beaming through my window, makes me not bothered to get out of bed early, it makes me inspired, creative, excited for the day. Please stay forever Mr Sun :( 

II. Good Breakfasts.

I have to admit, I am one of those people that actually wakes up dreaming about breakfast. Especially if I've bought something new to try/have a current favourite. At the moment I'm loving Coconut and Cocoa Nib porridge from Sainsbury's. Add in a little extra oats, (come on, who are those small packets actually big enough for), toss in some Blueberries or Pomegranate seeds, add some Chia seeds & honey, and you've got yourself not only an Instagram worthy treat, but something healthy and wholesome to kickstart the day.

III. That fresh shave feel.

Come on ladies, you know what I'm talking about here. N O T H I N G (ok maybe some things..), feels better than freshly shaved, freshly moisturised leggums. Slipping into some soft cotton PJ's, or roaming free/starfishing/one leg in, one leg out, in my Egyptian cotton bed sheets - UH. HUH. HONEY. 

IV. My friends.

I don't have a lot of friends, I never really have! Unless you count Myspace in 2008... However, the friends I do have, I really do adore. I have friends from when I was 4, 14, 17 and 21. Each and every one, special in their own unique way, have helped me without even knowing it, and made me feel good when I've felt my worst. LOVE YA GUYS AND GALS <3 

V. Buying new shoes, that are actually comfortable.

Best. Thing. Ever. I have the WORST feet when it comes to fitting shoes. They're narrow, slim, small, and all kinds of AWKWARD. Can I wear cute slip on shoes? no. Can I wear saucy stiletto heels? no. 

My best buys are heels that I can wear all night, or trainers I can wear with no jip. Shout out Vans Mono ISO 1.5. You da bestest.

VI. Having good skin days.

Those who know me, will know my change in mood/goals/aspiration/life, when I have good skin. When I went to Rome last year, the sun cleared my eczema up entirely. Its a kind of bliss I can't even describe when my skin is good. Don't get me wrong its pretty good majority of the time, now I'm on my medication, but being completely clear, able to wear a spot of fake tan,  frolic freely in any item of clothing I want to wear, showing any part of my body I want - is just awesome. 

VI. My pooch, Theo.

If you follow me on any form of Social Media, you'll know I am completely besotted with my pup, Theo. I got Theo when I was in a really bad place, and he seemed to turn everything around for me. I love watching him run around on walks, receiving his gentle puppy kisses, and letting me carry him around the house like a baby. 

VII. Perfectly constructed roast dinners.

You know the ones. Perfect fluffy on the inside, crispy on the outside roasters. The perfect ratio of solids to gravy. A good array of vegetables, and of course a decent amount of sauce options. 

(My personal favourites are Racks, The Badminton Arms, Fox and Hounds, and a couple of my ex's mums. BANTER.)

VIII. Travelling.

Ah, that feeling of stepping off an aeroplane and into a different place to where you started. When people say pretentious things like 'travelling feeds the soul', or 'travelling has changed me' etc. I have to agree. The best way to get over life's stresses, or if you're feeling at a stand still. Opening your eyes to new culture, experiencing new foods, people, and adventures. An addiction I wish I had more funding for!

IX. Good quality clothes.

100% organic cotton? perfect cut? snug in all the right places? lose in all the right places? flattering? expensive look and feel? Soft to the touch? SOLD.

X. Youtube.

Youtube is my escape. Every single night without fail I watch some of my Youtube favourites. I'm a sucker for daily vloggers, travel vloggers, beauty guru's and style documenters. 

XI. Driving through the country.

This has to be a new found love. What with my snazzy new car, being able to put my foot down and it actually MOVE. Driving through the winding roads of the countryside is so freeing, especially when the appropriate music is playing and the weather is the perfect mixture of blue skies and flashes of bright sunlight through the trees. 

What makes you happy? 

Its humbling to know I could actually make an even longer list than this - but if you made it even this far - well done. I'm not the biggest fan of a big rambly post with minimal photographs. (PS The photo for this post was taken last Summer in the Longleat House flower garden!)

Thanks for reading, stay happy!

Madi x

MY IDEA OF THE DREAM, A/W STYLE 2016

I just feel like designers and stylists of this years A/W season, are, ON. POINT.

I absolutely love everything I'm seeing at the moment. Whether it be on overcrowded fixtures in Primark, or more premium fashion mannequins in high end store windows. I think this is the first year in a long time I've actually appreciated and acknowledged the bikini's being taken off the shop floor and rails are beginning to burst with beautiful coats and jackets. I'm usually sad once I realise its too cold to not be able to wonder freely without a jacket, or pretty summer dresses become lost amongst the chaos that is 'Summer Clearance' (Don't get me wrong - this still makes me sad). 

I put together some 'mood boards', if you will, of what have become my perfect combinations as the chilly air creeps into our bones. 

Outfit 1:
Jumper, Trousers, Jacket, Shoes, Bag
Outfit 2:
Body, Trousers, Jacket, Shoes, Bag
Outfit 3:
Jumper, Skirt, Jacket, Shoes, Bag

Thanks for reading!
Madi xx

THE LIFE OF A NONCHALANT 24 Y/O

I first came across this word when my best friend used it to describe me once, after expressing my confusion over a boy who said he 'couldn't read me'.
I am currently lying in bed, frightened to move myself any further north incase I feel the need to vomit all over my laptop. I am ill - life sucks, I'm bored out of my actual existence, and I've eaten nothing but rice crispies, pasta, and chip sticks for the past 4 days. ANYWAY - the time I've had stuck in bed, relentlessly scrolling my phone, watching every video in my Youtube subscription feed, noticing all the girls who regularly post attention worthy things on Facebook, watched day time TV, and cried over lack of human contact - has got me thinking.
I don't know about anyone else, but I feel like my 20's have been the worst years of my life so far. Is that a bold statement? probably. As a young girl, stuck in the current movement of depressing news, badly paid jobs, living with parents, terrible dating apps, global prejudice and general negativity is bad enough - but being the type of personality type I am surrounded by this, is almost suffocating.
Disappointed is a good word to sum up how I feel about life in my 20's, or at least how I've been made to feel. I feel like the world these days has been sectioned into categories, and if you don't fit in (or at least portray yourself on social media to fit in), you lose. Makeup guru, travelling free spirit, casual alcoholic, festival goer, live music lover, working abroad go getter, *sigh*, the list goes on. (I would be lying if I told you I haven't tried to -nonchalantly- fit in to at least 3 of these categories.)

I still don't know what I want. Being 24 and not knowing what you want may sound common, 'Your 20's is about finding yourself', but what about if you don't know WHERE to even start? Sometimes I watch people around me move on and up with their lives, while I remain stuck. Friends moving out, travelling, working abroad, working with big brands, meeting new people, getting EXCITED about things. My nonchalant attitude doesn't help, what do you do when theres no passion in your soul to drive you towards the things you want or have interest in? I envy people with passion. TRUE passion that keeps you engaged, interested, and work towards something. I am so jealous of all the girls that have the energy, drive and passion in them to get what they want. It's not like I WANT to give up on things, in fact, if I start something, its very rare I don't see it through. My problem as of late is I give up before I've began. My thoughts on traveling, for example, are constant - would I like to go? yes. would I like to go alone? hell no. However over recent -in mind discussions-, it seems thats the only way it'll ever happen for me. Maybe its confidence, maybe its being a slight pessimist, but can. you. imagine. little old me - 2 inhalers, 2 types of medication, weak immune system, allergies to life - even getting on an airplane alone?

I envy girls who are loud, excitable and confident, why can't I be like that? Why can't I have the effort to be SO EXCITED over this GORGEOUS new shade of lipstick, or SO STOKED that a certain band has a new album coming out. I am an introvert, and in a world where you're only noticed by 'putting yourself out there' *sarcastic thumbs up*, it S U C K S. I am the girl who people get annoyed at for not being excited at opening presents, or the girl who stays engaged in something for a maximum of 5.5 seconds and then wants to look at something new. Something I have learnt about myself over the past 4 years is I invest myself in people, or should we say boyfriends to be more specific. I like to be cosy and settled and comfortable, moseying around in a little twosome against the world - however, investing all of your time, energy and passion into people - never works out. What I'm trying to say is, life feels hard when you feel as though you SHOULD be doing all these things.. moving out, getting a 'real job', becoming manager, traveling, meeting new people, buying houses, having babies, driving a new car, wearing the latest fashion, dating, eating vegetables, having a great ass, loving pizza, loving pugs, etc. What happens if you want to travel but the thought of mixing with strangers while conjuring small talk and 'fitting in' is literally crippling? What happens if, try as you might, every dream and ambition so far in life has left you with knock backs and lack of confidence? but on the contrary, what if you care as much as you don't?  W H A T  I F.

I never have the passion for drive because I never have the passion for success. Nothing HUGELY impresses me and even if it did I can't show it. Is there a support group for this?
'Nonchalant 20 something y/o's anonymous'
I hope one day I can look back on this post and laugh, poorly little Madi had no idea of the adventures to come. Heres to hoping!

xx