5 WAYS TO NOT GO INSANE

So, being long term sick is NOT what I had planned for the beginning of Summer 2017, let me tell you that much. I was talking to my dad the other day about my blog and how I've been brain storming ideas to blog about/topics to talk about, etc. He said 'why don't you write about things to do while you're ill?', which got me thinking. I am sick at the minute, which means I physically can't go to work with the job I do, but that doesn't mean my brain or legs don't work, yano? 

Its hard to not feel like you should be cooped up in the house all day, or do nothing but stay in bed. Don't get me wrong, with how I'm feeling at the minute, thats what I do spend a lot of my time doing. However, I thought I'd write about a few things that make me feel a little less house bound and stop me from going bloody stir crazy over here! 

TEA & CAKE WITH FRIENDS - Maybe my favourite thing to do. I have a very close knit of friends that have seen me at my very worst, which means I'm not afraid or embarrassed to be in front of them in slouchy clothing and no makeup, feeling like a piece of poo. Nothing beats laughing until your tummy hurts and reminding yourself that you WILL be back to normality again soon enough, this isn't forever. This photo was taken at Boston Tea Party, I honestly didn't realise they made their cakes on site, and even include more than one Vegan option! 

FIND BEAUTY IN EVERYTHING - I'm pretty good at this on any day of the year. I'm very observant to my surroundings, whether that be what the sunset looks like, the intricate details of a restaurant or naturally memorising peoples outfits or lipstick colours on a night out. (One of my favourite morning after quiz's). I'm constantly taking photos of the sky, certain lighting, flowers, trees, animals & general picturesque scenery. I think it's important to focus your mind on beautiful, positive things, when you're sick, I find it really helps to take my mind off any pain/upset or frustration I'm suffering from. 

KEEP YOUR MIND MOVING - Try and do things that keep your mind moving. Whether that be reading, visiting new places, surrounding yourself with countryside or creating new and tasty recipes. (All of my favourite things to do). Some days I find it hard to get out of bed because I know as soon as I even sit up I'll be in pain. However, once I've forced myself to get up and out, I find great inspiration and joy in getting fresh air and exploring places I've never been before. 

FUEL YOURSELF WELL - I love food. Fact. Theres not many foods I dislike and I'm always up for trying something new. Whether it be green, smelly, a weird texture - I'll always try something once. Try making a new recipe including some of your favourite ingredients. I find it fun to attempt dairy free/gluten free recipes, as I find them quite a challenge (for example, will the cake rise with an egg substitute, or will it resemble a shit pancake?). Creating new recipes is also really rewarding, especially when the result is tasty and other people approve. 

GET FRESH AIR DAILY -  Admittedly, this is sometimes one of my biggest downfalls. Most days when I'm unwell, I wake up in such a bad mood, I just don't even want to get out of bed to wee, let alone go outside. Once I have made the move out of my front/back door, I do feel 10x more productive and positive about everything. I suggest going outside at least once a day. Even if its just to eat your breakfast, or stand with your face to the sun and inhale the morning breeze for 20 minutes.

Thanks for reading, as always

I hope you get well soon if you're currently sick too! 

Madi x

SKINCARE THAT DOESN'T MAKE MY SKIN FREAK OUT

I've literally wanted to talk about my Skincare for soooo long on my blog. If you've read my post, Living with an Auto Immune Disorder, you're probably wondering what it is I actually use under my makeup, to wash my face, to keep myself looking fresh etc. Theres no denying that when my skin is super bad, I can usually put nothing on my face what so ever. However, when its having a good spell, I wanted to talk about my holy grail products that I deem perfect for even the most sensitive of skin types. 

ROUND UP:

1. Cleanse - Liz Earle Cleanse & Polish

2. Moisture Mask - Avene Soothing Moisture Mask

3. Deep Clean Mask - Kiehls Rare Earth Deep Pore Cleansing Masque

4. Exfoliate - Lush Honey Lip Scrub

5. Finish - Kiehls Calendula Herbal-Extract Toner & MAC Charged Water Skin Hydrating Mist

MY SKIN TYPE: 

Dry, Sensitive, Oily T Zone, Redness, Combination

STEP 1: CLEANSE

LIZ EARLE CLEANSE AND POLISH - has been a staple in my skincare routine for about 7 years now. Theres never been anything about it that I don't like. I've used it through out all my skin troubles - dryness, breakouts, eczema & sensitivity. I find it's amazing for giving you a really deep clean and making you feel like you really have got every scrap of make up off. (I'm a bit OCD when it comes to makeup removal, so it's very satisfying to know that not only does the muslin cloth remove your makeup, but also gets rid of any dead skin cells too). Its recommended for any skin types, and for any age group. 

"Our rich cream instantly removes daily grime and makeup, even stubborn mascara, to leave skin beautifully smooth and exceptionally clean. Used with the pure cotton cloth it lifts away dead skin cells, revealing fresh, radiant skin."

I really love the fact that this cleanser is made with naturally active ingredients. Including cocoa butter to 'soften, smooth and moisturise', while rosemary, chamomile and eucalyptus 'tone, soothe and purify'. I literally haven't even tried another cleanser since finding how well this one works for me. Its so nice to have an evening skincare routine that feels so luxurious, even when you have super sensitive skin! To make things even better, its a mere £16 and that also includes two muslin cloths. (The 100ml usually lasts me around 3-4 weeks) Try yours here (CRUELTY FREE!). 

STEP 2: FACE MASKS & SCRUBS

I don't usually use any products other than Cleanser and Moisturiser on a daily basis (and a bit of Sudocrem if I have any breakouts). However, I find when I'm suffering from either intense dryness, or lots of under the skin spots/clogged pores, there are two amazing products I turn to.

• AVENE SOOTHING MOISTURE MASK - This is a recent discovery of mine and I absolutely love it. I've had countless compliments on how my skin looks the day after using this too, which is always a bonus in itself! Avene is a brand I've also had in my skincare routine for years. Originated in Paris, the brand claims their range to be hypoallergenic and specifically catered for sensitive skin. I find this mask amazing for if you ever get dry patches or flakiness that just doesn't go away with exfoliation alone. I'll put this on not long after I've cleansed, leave it for 10-15 minutes, and then rinse off. Voila! Clean, soft, hydrated skin. (Some people have claimed that it makes them look younger too!) Try yours here.

"A true moisture bath, leaves your skin refreshed and glowing".

• KIEHL'S RARE EARTH DEEP PORE CLEANSING MASQUE - Kiehl's is a brand I've wanted to try for ages, I just love all their packaging and general Ethos. However, I'm always really nervous about trying commercialised, colourful, potentially fragranced brands. A lot of things I've tried in the past have really broken me out in eczema and/or blemishes. However, to my surprise, this mask worked really well for me. I find it really does exactly what it says on the tub. I find I will usually get a break out the day after using this, but once they've gone, you end up with much less textured skin. I use this after I've cleansed onto damp skin, leave for 10 minutes until dry, and remove with a warm damp cloth. The recommended usage is twice a week but I usually end up using in once a fortnight as I don't want to dry my skin out! 

"Helps eliminate debris and dead surface skin-cell accumulation that can clog pores and leave skin looking dull. With ingredients sourced near the mouth of the Amazon River in Northern Brazil, this unique formula is rich in minerals and helps eliminate surface toxins from the skin."

• LUSH HONEY LIP SCRUB - This is another product I'd wanted to try for ages! The only thing that held me back was the price! I thought £5.75 for what technically was a pot of sugar and oils, a bit steep. However, around May time I was suffering from such stubborn dry lips, nothing seemed to make them stop being chapped/flakey! So I decided to go into my local Lush and finally try the lip scrub I'd been lusting after for a while. After my first/second application, I found my issues cleared up straight away. I think its pretty cool that its self preserving and I only have to use it around once a week, to make my lips super soft again. (CRUELTY FREE). Try yours here.

"The menthol of peppermint oil cools and freshens, while the sweet wild orange oil gives you a buzz. Made with Jojoba oil and Vegan white chocolate."

STEP 3: MOISTURISE

AVENE HYDRANCE OPTIMALE LEGERE, LIGHT HYDRATING CREAM - My moisturizer has literally been the same for years and years. During the Summer months I use the light hydrating cream, and during the winter I will use the rich hydrating cream - It's really pretty simple! There are no fragrance or colours in this moisturiser, its very plain and straight to the point, but when it comes to sensitive skin - thats all you need! I find this sits beautifully underneath makeup and keeps me hydrated all day. Its really lightweight and sinks into the skin immediately, which is nice when I'm super hot and red out of the shower - yay for no lingering greasiness! I find the price amazing for how long this lasts me (5-7 weeks), Try yours here!

STEP 4: TONE & COOL

Admittedly, these are usually steps I miss out. Only because once my face is comfortable after a cleanse and moisturise, I don't really see the point in putting any more products on. (Although it seems like I use a lot of products, I'm extremely basic when it comes to my skincare, due to having to be so careful with what I use). 

• KIEHLS CALENDULA HERBAL-EXTRACT TONER - I will usually use this when I'm having a super lazy makeup removal session. (You know the ones where you sit in bed and just smoosh a wet wipe over your face? we've all been there.) If I do use a wet wipe, I'll be sure to use the Kiehls toner afterwards. I find wet wipes never remove everything, which is proven afterwards by the extra grime that comes off when I use the toner - gross! I really love the smell and gentle feel of this toner, its alcohol free and is made with whole flowers and pure extracts. (There are actual petals in the toner water, that you can place over/around blemishes over night and it apparently helps them reduce in redness!). I find this toner has the same effect as the Kiehls mask, which means I sometimes break out after using it - but its always where I have under the skin bumps/spots, so at least its bringing them to the surface/cleansing deeply I guess! Try yours here.

"An effective, alchol free, face toner. Designed to soothe problem skin & maintains the natural balance and integrity of the skin"

• MAC CHARGED WATER SKIN HYDRATING MIST - I don't think this product gets enough credit. I find the MAC Fix Plus gets so much more recognition that this mineralise skin hydrating mist does! I love this for when my skins feeling especially dry/tight, I also find it works amazingly over makeup. It really helps get rid of the cakey look if you've over done it with the powder, or you have dryness around the eyes (like me). Amazing for perfecting and maintaining glowy skin! Try yours here.

"A blend of mineralise charged water and diamond powder that hydrates and energies skin"

If you suffer from sensitive skin, I highly recommend all of the above products! I know what its like to feel as though you can't use nice or luxurious products. (At one point I was just using my prescription moisturiser to wash my face with), however I feel like I finally have a little routine going on! If you have any recommendations on eye creams (the big 25 this year - eek), or exfoliators, do let me know!

Thanks for reading as always, 

Madi x

SUMMER LOVIN'

Summer? Is that you?! How awesome is it that it finally feels like Summer here in the UK. I feel like our weather has been in the hands of a bipolar maniac the past few weeks - We tend to have blazing sun at 6am, rain all day, then blazing sun at 5pm. Either that or we're just landed with grey clouds, all. day. AWESOME ENGLAND, CHEERS. 

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT SUMMER:

BEING ABLE TO WEAR MINIMAL CLOTHING AND NOBODY JUDGES YOU:

It's pretty renowned that I'm the girl that will 100% not wear underwear if I think I can get away with it. As soon as I get home from work/being out, it's usually around 5.5 seconds until every garment from head to toe is off my body, and I'm roaming the house in one of my many, XL mens tshirts, (which I'm actually proud to say, none of which are any of my ex boyfriends - you grab that independency by the balls girl, and buy YOURSELF a mens tshirt to sleep in). I just can't stand the feeling of clothes on my body - can you tell? 

EATING ALL THE NICE FOOD:

It isn't Summer if you don't go to at least one food festival during the Summer, right? I'm getting super excited for the Welsh Vegan Festival in Cardiff coming up next month. I've only ever been to heavily meat and bbq infused food festivals before, which don't get me wrong - are great. However, considering I'm starting to make more conscious decisions when it comes to my diet lately, I'm excited to see what's on offer! (Plus it means I can eat all the cake - allergen free yaaaas)

THE FEELING OF THE SUN ON YOUR SKIN:

I think this is one of my favourite feelings in the entire world. For someone with such naturally hot skin, and the fact I'm a redhead - this seems bizarre, I know, I feel the same. However, I think if I were an animal I would 100% be a lion, lying around in the sun, cuddling with my pride, occasionally roaring for stress relief - sounds like a pretty perfect life to me. You just can't beat the feeling of sitting with your face to the sun, or the feeling of the evening sun set beaming onto the backs of your legs. The sun seems to give me an inner glow of happiness and content, which I think is SO needed in our little human lives.

THE WAY IT BRINGS EVERYONE TOGETHER:

Left, right and center, all of a sudden, everyones out, everyones half naked,  and everyone wants to be outside, cooking meat over heated coals. Suddenly, the entire country goes into a mode of panic - We MUST get all the ice lollies our freezer can hold, put on the most impressive BBQ spread we can manage, wear our swimwear in the garden, whack out the summer clothes you've been hoarding for the entire year and Whatsapp everyone in close proximity to see if any 'chills' are to be had, in the glorious 30 degree sunshine. (Which usually takes us a maximum of around 2/3 hours to complain about - Brits ay!). 

NOTHING BUT BLUE SKIES:

Isn't it just the best, when you put your eyes to the sky and don't see a single cloud in the sky? It always reminds me of being on holiday. The air is still, all you can hear are birds tweeting, and the leaves rustling in the occasional light breeze, us flustered, not used to the weather, English bods, crave. That peaceful moment when you look to the sky and feel.. free? Suddenly worries become smaller, the oxygen you breathe appears more clear,  and the rush of endorphins engulf your body. Per-fect-o. I'd like a daily dose please! 

EVENING WALKS TO THE PUB:

If you've got a dog, you'll know its pretty unsafe to walk your dog during the times of the times of the day when the temperature is at it's highest. I usually wait until around 8/9pm to walk Theo when its as warm as it has been. Me and my mum will usually walk Theo down into the Village we live by, which of course has a Village Pub. I've been going to said pub on Summer days/evenings since I was around 7 years old, so its like a blast from the past every time I sit in the beer garden, watching the sun set and sipping an ice cold lemonade. 

As you can tell I'm a Summer girl over a Winter girl ANY day of the week. I almost don't trust the few of my friends that actually PREFER Winter... I sometimes don't even have a reaction for that kind of sentence coming out of peoples mouths - how dare you! 

I hope you're all making the most of the glorious weather we're having, making sure you and your pups stay hydrated, and generally appreciating the sunshine before it all inevitably turns to rain again, *rolls eyes*. Whether it be getting merry with friends, reading a book accompanied by your favourite ice cold bev, spending the day on the beach, or simply admiring the weather from inside because you're a 'THIS IS JUST TOO MUCH" kinda being. I hope you're doing our British Summer proud whatever you chose to do. 

Thanks for reading, as always!

Madi x

BACK WHEN I WAS COOL

I was cruising the Interwebs the other day, as you do, when I decided to look at my old blog. The blog I started way back when in 2009, when I first found my, #passionforfashion. (For some reason, whenever I talk about Fashion, I just have to hashtag, 'Passion for Fashion', and every time I do, it reminds me of the Bratz dolls slogan, remember those?). One of my favourite style influencer back then (and still to this day), was Lily Melrose (plus a tonne of people from Tumblr or Lookbook.nu I embarrassingly, religiously, obsessed over - ). I remember checking Lily's blog every single day to check in on what garments she was showing off next.

There's something so satisfying about reading blog posts, don't you think? Especially when they're personal fashion and/or beauty ones. Having a nose into someone else's wardrobes or makeup bags just fascinates me. (Maybe I'm just nosey as fuk). Anyway, looking through my old photos got me thinking. I was so good at actually posting my outfit every day I had a day off work, and I had so much confidence in doing so. Whacking out all the different poses, not being afraid to show off my body shape or style etc, and doing it purely because I found it fun to shoot photos of myself with my £19.99 Argos tripod. I feel frustrated at myself sometimes at the fact I've just seemed to let it all slip over the past 4ish years. I feel there are probably a few people out there that feel the same as me about blogging. The ones that have been watching Youtubers grow since 2008, or the ones that have Tumblr accounts dating back to 2007, when they were just 'so emo'. The old school bloggers that have just seemed to have gotten lost in the overwhelming explosion of 'prettier' women, or 'more popular' content. I realise now its stupid of me to stop what I was doing, purely because I thought my style didn't fit with what people liked anymore.

                         

I think in recent years the Internet and social media has BLOWN. UP. All of a sudden people are making millions from their Youtube accounts or being interviewed by big brands because of their perfectly commercialised blog content, that everyone can't help but be interested in. There are girls that perfectly fit the 'Instagram girl' look and end up making money by promoting clothing brands and discount codes. To which I say - fair fucking play. If you've got the confidence and you've got the aesthetic to fit a trend everyones loving - go for it. It's just unfortunate for me that I ended up letting boys and boozing take up majority of my free time over the past few years, and letting the doubt I felt over people judging me or making fun of me, take over - thus losing touch with one of my favourite hobbies. I guess I'm kind of writing this post as a reminder to myself, 'you've done this all before'. Received emails from independent brands, shot and shared outfit posts, reviewed subscription boxes, received emails and comments with compliments and encouragement, tested out makeup products, met up with people from the internet I've never met. I feel as though I'm ready to jump back on the blogging band wagon and actually produce content I've always wanted to again. It may not mean I have a photographer boyfriend to take snazzy photos of me, a fancy flat in London, or expensive technical equipment - but why not carry on what I started, when it was something I enjoyed so much.

Its funny how I feel as though I was more confident in myself when I was 14-18, the ages where you're stereotypically supposed to feel the most self conscious?! I feel as though my 20's have been my most anxiety filled, doubtful and confusing years of my life so far. Now more than ever, I've lost where I fit, or what my style even is, or which direction I'm taking in life. (Read my blog post of being a confused 20-something here).  I always remember feeling so cool, strolling down the street in my unique vintage finds, or wearing my expensive new blusher that I was sent in a Glossy Box. I found an awesome post from Jemma Wade where she talks about 'grabbing life by the balls', and doing what you want in life, not being afraid to try out loads of different hobbies/interests/careers, and not always conforming to what society tells us to do. Her words were as if she was reading my brains daily thoughts! Anyway, what I think I'm trying to say is, never be afraid to do you. I always feel when I wear something new I've bought, or post a new blog post, or make certain life choices, I'll in some way or another, receive negative feedback or a bad reaction from people - but why should I care? I've learnt over time that anyone who makes me feel insignificant or embarrassed over things I chose to wear, interests I have, friends I hang around with or music I listen to - say goodbye. Life's way, way too short to have people in your life that don't make you feel good about yourself. Am I right or am I right?

PS can we just take a moment for my eyebrows circa 2009-2013? oh my. 

Thanks for reading, as always

Heres to doing you & being the best #girlboss or #boyboss you can be.

Madi x

LIVING WITH AN AUTO-IMMUNE DISORDER

The past 10ish days have been tough. Writing this post, will inevitably be tough. Having to take strong medication to suppress my immune system every day, is something I never thought would be a part of my daily routine. You might be questioning, why am I writing about a health problem, on my Fashion and Lifestyle blog? but, the truth is, this is a part of my life, and a massive part at that. I find something so comforting in the fact that people are so passionate about writing about mental health on the internet now a days, however, I find it quite rare to come across people talking about physical health problems. I mean, at the end of the day, nobody wants to admit they have any kind of problem, or flaunt that their lives are anything other than perfect on social media. However, I'm hoping by sharing my experiences and the way I feel, will help people understand and/or relate to me, and why I seem to deteriorate in the way I do from time to time. 

Around two years ago now, I was hospitalised for my atopic dermatitis. Hospitalised? for eczema? Thats what I thought when I was lying head to toe in bandages for 3 months, barely able to move. 

As a quick run down, I suffered from eczema from birth - to around 3 years old. After that I have no memory of ever having eczema, until it all began in 2010, when I remember having to borrow some of my ex's mum's aqueous cream for a persistent irritation in the creases of my arms. Fast forward over the course of 5/6 years, I was introduced to cream after cream, steroid after steroid, until I got to the point where I was head to toe (and I mean head to toe), in aggressive, stubborn, skin rashes. 2015 enough was enough. I was slathering all these toxic potions and lotions all over me every. single. day, that seemed to make my skin ok for a day or two, but in the long run were making me worse as apposed to better. I decided to stop the steroids. (You can read about other people who do this for a hope of relief, here) Three months after stopping steroids, my body became in, what I can only describe as, 'melt down mode' and I was hospitalised for a week to get rid of any infections and start a course of strong Immuno Suppressant drugs. 

PHYSICALLY

To my knowledge, my immune system doesn't work properly, and the way in which it effects me, is my skin. I don't just mean a small patch on the backs of my knees or the creases of my elbows. I mean everywhere. My neck, shoulders, forearms, arm pit creases, back, torso, bum, hips, thighs, legs, knees - everywhere. Some days, I can cry while putting on leggings, or trying to paint my toe nails, because my entire thigh/backs of my knees are so inflamed, the only comfortable way to be, is led in bed. Some days I have to lie in bed in a certain position, and can't even bring my phone to my face because it stings every inch of my arms/shoulders too much to do so. When my skin is bad, I feel suffocated in my own body, sometimes even the air can hurt me, and I can merely just stare at the patterns in the ceiling to distract myself from the sting/itch/burn that my body seems to create for a reason unknown to myself, (and what feels like most consultants/doctors). The skin is the biggest organ your body maintains, and mines dysfunctional and constantly attacking itself. This means I'm pretty exhausted every day, I usually take a 2 hour nap after work, followed by an 8-10 hour sleep over night. Sometimes my neck will be so flared I can't drive, because I can't move to maneuver or see across junctions etc. I sometimes itch so deeply, it feels as though a thousand insects and wasps are under my skin and sometimes when I shower, the water on my skin can feel like acid, and even when I put clothes on, I can feel the fibres irritating me almost immediately. 

MENTALLY

Perhaps now, more than ever, my condition has a huge effect on my mental health. I have had bouts of carefree skin in the past 2 years. My medication has worked perfectly and for some reason my skin has decided to give me a break for up to 6 months at a time. However, this is what makes the relapse even worse. I know what it feels like to have good skin. I know how it feels, to be able to go out all the time, socialize every night, eat and drink what I want, and work full time, without feeling exhausted and run down. Whenever my skin is bad, I feel my entire being/soul/existence leaves my body. I'm not me anymore. The me when my skin is bad is a weak, lonely, suicidal, distant, angry, and so deeply sad. I feel as though I will never be normal, or like my peers, or able to enjoy/fore fill a normal life. I am a very ambitious, striving and determined little person, but when my illness strikes in the way it does I feel insignificant and hopeless. Getting showered and dressed every day is a challenge in itself. I have to make sure the shower is the right temperature, brace myself for the sting, make sure that the towel is clean, that I have enough of my cleanser to wash with, that I have the right makeup to cover up my red face/neck, that I have clean, light, cotton clothes to wear and I have enough time before I leave the house, to allow my skin to cool down and to be a little less red. This routine is as exhausting as it sounds. Mentally and physically. Watching my friends and family whack on their shorts on a summers day or a strappy backless top on a night out, silently frustrates me no end. Why can't I do that? Why do I always have to cover up, wear long sleeves and trousers so nobodies distracted by my sometimes shockingly pink skin. Sometimes I feel as though watching the world go by from my bed, is the only way I'll ever be. I'm always going to suffer and I'm never going to find a solution. Its super hard when friends/family/past boyfriends are constantly telling me, 'just don't think about it and carry on with life', which for the most part, I try my damn hardest to do so, however, tell me, if you had fallen in stinging nettles - naked, got sunburnt, and then had ants crawling all over you, you could forget about it? because realistically, thats how I can describe it feeling. 

EMOTIONALLY

Draining. I'm pretty sure thats the only word that could fit along side 'emotionally', when it comes to my condition. Its hard having to let down friends, colleagues, family, and myself, on what feels like a constant basis. Especially when its not something like the flu or a bad stomach, something relatable that people can understand. I don't want to have to miss out on friends birthdays, I don't want to turn down going out to lunch or meeting up, and I don't want to have to reduce my hours at work - which is why I usually push myself to my very last legs. I've turned up to work, nights out, dates, to meet friends, take the dog out etc, with puffy eyes, a deeply sore and red neck (somewhere that often shows), and a body thats covered in ugly eczema, for months on end now. Pushing and pushing to force myself into a normal lifestyle. I cry every single day when I've reached my limit. I feel like I'm at a battle with myself, as well as the world around me.  It truly, 101%, sucks. I know there are worse things in the world, and as a sensitive person I have a very heavy heart, which lands me finding world trauma's/events very overwhelming as well! However, when I feel so hopeless, theres nothing I can do but feel deeply sad at the predicament I find myself in. 

THANK GOD FOR GOOD SUPPORT

I'm so super lucky in the respect that I have an amazing doctor, help on hand at home, an amazing boss at work and thoughtful friends, they just seem to have the best responses when I'm having such a shitty time. It amazes me how many offers I get for people to come and visit me, or buy me presents or flowers to cheer me up. (You're all so special to me!! It's true). 

At the moment I'm in a place where I feel pretty anxious to participate in normal activity's, like go outside, see my friends, go to social events, or even shower most days incase of it triggering a flare. 

This week I go back to my dermatologist for the second time in 5 days, to find out results of blood tests and to potentially change my medication to get me back on track. I'm also putting loads of my brain power into my blog at the moment to keep me focused/busy. I do have hope, although its been the hardest thing to feel these past few months. 'Hope'. I didn't write this post for any attention, and I'm sorry if this was difficult or a bit (very) depressing for your Sunday evening read, but I just wanted to get my voice heard at a time where I feel very isolated and alone with my condition. If you do have any questions or want to talk to me about anything I've talked about, do pop me a message!

madeleiinegraceblogs@gmail.com,

Heres to a more cheery blog post next time around! 

Thanks for reading as always, 

Madi x

SOUP FOR THE WEEKEND

When I'm feeling down, I find creating a new recipe or making myself something healthy and tasty to eat, always motivates me and inspires me, not to mention makes me happier, (as most that will know me will know, I love my food). Despite not having the best utensils/cooking equipment, I decided to attempt to make a pretty simple, Roasted Butternut Squash, soup. (Baring in mind, I don't have a fancy soup maker/blender, merely a very basic blender, I usually only use to make quick and easy smoothies), but I thought 'fuck it, how hard can it be? I'm sure I can make use of what I have'. 

VEGAN ROASTED BUTTERNUT SQUASH SOUP

YOU WILL NEED:

1 Butternut Squash

3 Garlic cloves (I used a little extra cause' I love it)

2 Small Shallots

1 Tablesppon of Coconut oil

1/2 Teaspoon of Himalayan salt 

500ml Yeast/Gluten free Vegetable stock

1. Peel, seed & cube the Butternut Squash

2. Peel the Garlic cloves

3. Peel and half the Shallots

4.  Preheat the oven to 400 degrees

5. Coat the Butternut Squash, Garlic & Shallots in Coconut oil 

6. Place the Vegetables into a roasting trey and roast until soft, NOT ACTUALLY ROASTED. (My oven is CRAP so it took about 15-20 minutes for me)

7. Mix one Vegetable stock cube with 500ml of water

8. Blend the mixture of Vegetables in a food blender, (or smoothie maker.. w/e), until creamy. 

9. Add the creamy mixture to the Vegetable stock, add salt/any other seasoning you fancy, (considering this was my first time, I didn't go too crazy with adding more to the mix, next time I would maybe add paprika for a kick). 

10. Put the mixture on a medium heat until cooked/heated through. 

ENJOY xoxo

I just put a little pepper on the top of mine, however you could season it with seeds, herbs, spices, rosemary leaves, coriander or thyme - all of which I can imagine would work nicely, and of COURSE you could put a slice of chunky bread on the side.  

To be fair to myself, I can't actually believe I succeeded in doing this?! I know its extremely simple, but I've always thought making a soup from scratch would be difficult, (for some unknown reason). Another little recipe I've made which is actually edible. #adultwin. 

If you do decide to make this, let me know & I hope you enjoy and have an awesome weekend!

Thanks for reading,

Madi x

N O I S E

Nooooooooo... a couple of outfit posts!? Surely not!? Ok so, when we were in Budapest, I bought a couple new items of clothes and thought, 'right, I'm going to be REALLY annoying, and ask Chrsitina every. single. day, to take photo's of my outfit'. I was super sure I'd have an entire array of photos and outfits to show you.. HOWEVER, by day 2, that was it, my energy (and probably Christina's energy too), was gone. Motivation for any kind of posing, had well and truly, left the building. Look though! I did a little suttin' suttin'. I actually got my posing out, in front of random passer's by, not that far from the Museum of Applied Arts, Budapest. 

ANYWAY, ehem, back to my 2010 Fashion Blogger tone.. 

This outfit, was incredible. I can't really remember what the weather was like this day, a little on and off. I just can't get over how airy and light this top is, and isn't it so unusual!? The cut and print design on it were the bits that caught my eye the most, (not to mention it was a mere £19.99). A crisp, cool and airy cotton material - I am in love. Anything that lets my skin breath and allows me to move freely, is like a match made in heaven to me. Due to the top being quite a statement piece, I decided to pair it with plain black cotton leggings and my trusty Van Classics. (Holding Primark sunglasses for effect, I'm pretty sure I didn't need them this day). 

Top - Zara

Leggings - H&M

Vans - Vans

Sunglasses - Primark

Earings - Primark

Maybe my favourite outfit out of the entire trip? I think this outfit really just sums me up. A mixture of street wear, cutsie pieces, and silver accessories. Ask most people that know me and I'm pretty sure thats how they'd describe my general day to day style. (Asides from my XL tshirts and leggings which I actually wear 90% of the time). I was quite skeptical about buying this Carhartt tshirt, it's been a bazillion years since I've invested in something 'designer' or 'with a name', as my mum would say. I've just not really seen the fascination with it, especially when I know I can get something similar for a fraction of the price elsewhere. HOWEVER, I feel like just this tshirt alone, has changed my perception. I cannot get over how SOFT and amazing this tshirt felt. I ended up wearing it down to breakfast every day once I realised how beautiful it felt on my skin. Plus it looks cool as fuq.

Tshirt - Carhartt

Jumpsuit - Topshop (old)

Belt - Topshop

Shoes - Converse

Sunglasses - Primark

MAY ROUNDUP

Here we are again, ANOTHER month has just flown by before my very eyes. I can't believe I'm sat here and its currently the beginning of June. June always reminds me of 3 things - Summer, my oldest friend's birthday, and feeling good. June is usually when things seem to turn themselves around from hoping and wishing for good weather, to actually getting good weather (pfft, alright Madi), holidays start to crop up, you hear stories from everyone about new adventures they've taken, and everyone just seems to have a little more spring in their step. Unfortunately, I'm not sure if this months seen any sunshine. If anything, we've had a serious case of weather bipolar!

I'm pretty sure this month kicked off with me being ill. (wow, what a surprise). In general I've been completely and utterly exhausted this month - with everything! Mind, body and soul. Even putting my trousers on in the morning has been a struggle for me. I couldn't really tell you why though, I'm not sure if its because my general health and auto immune condition has really fucked me over this month, or my mood is just generally a struggle to pick up. Alas, I have done some nice things - of course including Budapest! (See previous post for photogs and recommendations!)

WOODS, FRIENDS, & PUPS:

Look, if you're a regular reader of my blog, you'll know by now that my life pretty much revolves around dog walks. Luckily for me, my friends live pretty close by, and when the weathers good, its pretty easy for us to just drop a message into the Whatsapp group to see if anyones down for walking the dogs in our local woods - Snuff Mills/Vassels Park. I think this was a Saturday, always a day guaranteed to be filled with all sorts of dogs/puppys - what could be better, really?

FAMILY ROAST:

Best. Meal. Ever. One of my favourite things ever is when me and my little friendling family get together to cook meals. For some unknown reason, I'm always left with the simple jobs out of our little group, like - the cheese grater, or the carrot chopper... its as if they just KNOW I'll probably kill myself when it comes to boiling water or hot ovens.. cute. Just looking at these photos, I wish I could demolish it all over again. 

TRAIN RIDES & MORE FOOD:

I spent a substantial amount of time on trains this month, going to and from Cardiff to visit a guy I was dating. Something I've never done before - 1. Just casually dated someone without prospect of a relationship and 2. Dated someone in a different country. Both of which, intrigued me and confused me. Alas, a good experience! It was cool being able to jump on the train/in my car and escape life in Bristol. It was like my uni days all over again! HOW CUTE, is this puppy on the train though?! I purposely followed this man from the platform right to his seat so I could sit opposite. This day my mum came to meet me in Cardiff for the day to have a mooch around the shops - how funny that we turned up in the exact same jumper. 

More meals! This night was a Mexican with Esther and Austin. One of the cute things about going to my friend Esther's, is that I can take Theo with me to 'play' with her dog, Dylan. I say 'play', because most of the time, Theo either spends his time annoying the shit out of Dylan, to the point he'll just go and hide himself away in another room, OR, just just tries to hump him. Sorry Dyl. We did however, get them to have a mini photoshoot together, with the bribery of 'chewy's' (see photo of said 'chewy' above Esther's iPhone - worked a 'treat' wheyy ;)). 

WESTONBIRT:

Would a monthly round up of mine really be a monthly roundup, if I didn't include photos from Westonbirt Arboretum? Don't think so! Every time I visit this place I'm instantly googling new camera equipment as soon as I get home, (before realising I can't actually afford it right now). This day we bumped into a pure Toy Poodle (Theo is a cross between a Miniature and a Toy), she was SO CUTE and SO SMALL I couldn't quite believe my eyes. Literally the split of Theo except even smaller - and I thought Theo was small! (Heres me forcing Theo for a photo with me in the hand made wigwam esque creation we found in the middle of the woods). 

FUDS:

Heres photographic evidence of me really trying my best to make healthier choices. I am OBSESSED with making pancakes recently. I seem to have a recipe NAILED and I enjoy it every time without fail, (remember when I said I'd do a blog post about said recipe? yeah.. I'll get there.) I also had a catch up with Elly this month, we've seemed to make it a little fortnightly thing - seeing as our rota's seem to match up quite nicely in that way! We devoured a Nando's, followed by looking round all the baby shops we had within walking distance. For the first time in my life I GENUINELY felt broody, I can't get over how cute some of the clothes/shoes/prams/accessories etc are, for tiny humans these days. I mean, of course that feeling left my very soul as soon as I left Mothercare, BUT, I guess it was a warm and fuzzy little feeling while it lasted.  

MOL'S (ANI-MOLS)

Something very essential to my de-stress and unwind process in life, is spending time surrounding by my mol's. I don't even need to be touching them, or that close to them. As long as I can see their little faces/furry bodies, I'm pretty content with that. I've been super duper sick with my skin/immune system playing me up lately, and every morning without fail, Theo will come and greet me with a kiss, shortly followed by him nestling himself into me and falling back to sleep. I'm just so thankful for their little souls. <3 

May's been weird for me! A pure mixture of ups and downs. I feel as though I need a change maybe? but my body says 'um...no?' to literally anything right now. My current state of health is not even being able to get dressed so, yeah, thats fun. It's been pretty hectic, but at the same time not a huge amount has happened, asides from Budapest, life's been pretty standard I guess! 

Hows your month of May been?

Thanks for reading! 

Madi x